I really appreciated and took into consideration all the comments I received in the class workshop I was nervous about how the poem would be taken and the responses I would receive because I do have a personal connection with this poem. I was glad that pretty much everyone understood what I was trying to show. I used a lot of the advice I was given to better my poem. so this is the corrections that I have made so far.
She wanted to free herself
the stress of life had become too much.
The sound of words humming in her mind.
Drink one: a shot
Drink two: a shot and a Sunkist
Release came, but not quite enough she kept going,
searching for liberation from all thoughts.
The broken heart she carried, like a weight dragging her down,
the lover who continued to hurt her.
Drink three: a shot no chaser
Her cups overflowed,
filled higher than anyone else’s,
but she never noticed.
Drink 4: mountain dew and vodka
Drink 5: vodka
They were only acquaintances,
only spoke in passing.
Thoughts of these actions were never invited.
Drink 6: vodka
He knew what he meant to do,
Quickly it went from being friendly to
trying to undress her,
but she was still capable enough to say stop.
Drink one, two, three, 4, 5, and 6
They all hit her now, and she couldn’t turn back.
In and out of consciousness,
Mouth unable to say the word.
Mind unable to grasp the concept.
No memories remained,
Somehow she is home,
an unfamiliar sweat on her body,
a foreign smell on her sheets.
No comments:
Post a Comment